What IS stress anyways? Because what I consider stressful, you might say, “Oh come on Heidi. That’s not even worth your attention.” We all view life through our own unique lens that was formed from the moment of conception. And even though we all have different perspectives about what is stressful, the reason stress exists in the first place, is the same for all of us.

I call it the “Emotional Anchor.”

The emotional anchor is created by a short story that your mind and body made up in the moment about something that happened in your past that caused pain. These short stories say things like, “I’m not lovable. I’m not enough. I don’t matter. I’m not safe. I’m not important. I’m not valuable.”

Were you always picked last as a kid to be part of a team? Did your first love completely shatter your heart? Did you grow up with an alcoholic parent? Were you abused?

Basically, the emotional anchor is where your low self-esteem lives and breathes. And just like a boat, the purpose of the anchor is stop you, slow you down, keep you limited from moving forward, and keep you in the smallest version of yourself. Why in the world would we do this ourselves???

Because of FEAR.

Fear is the material - the metal - that gives the anchor shape and allows it to be usable and functional. Fear is what gives the anchor the power to exist and influence your life in ways you are aware of and many ways you are not.

But this is where it gets interesting…

Did you know that the sole purpose of every single emotional anchor is to protect you? Yes! It is your system’s way of protecting you from getting hurt again. If your system can remember what hurt you in the past, then you can avoid it and prevent it from happening again. Makes complete sense, right?

When you are younger, these anchors that are designed to protect you are necessary because they help you survive. The problem is, when you become an adult and start to make your own decisions and design your own life, what protected you in your younger years, now harms you.

Let’s say you grew up with an alcoholic parent who was extremely hostile when drunk. You would have learned different ways to stay small, out of the way, keep your feelings inside, and create as much peace and ease as possible - all in efforts to avoid being yelled at, criticized, or abused. The emotional anchors your system created might say “I don’t matter. My feelings don’t matter. I am bad. I am not safe.” And these feelings would all be paired with the concept of love, because that is what your parent is teaching you. Fast forward to today. You are in love and your person gets upset and raises their voice. Your emotional anchors get activated by your partner’s anger and you automatically step into your pattern of staying small, silent, and amenable in an effort to keep the peace and stay safe, even though your partner has never harmed you. And while you keep finding ways to stay safe within your relationship, you are harming the connection by never allowing your voice to be heard, your opinions to matter, or your boundaries to be respected - because you hide instead of allowing your partner to truly know ALL of who you are.

The emotional anchors influence every single aspect of your life - who you fall in love with, how much money you have, how healthy you are, and bottom line….how happy you feel and how long you get to feel that happiness. The more emotional anchors you have, the more stress you feel in your daily life.

So now what? The past cannot be changed, but you know what can be changed?

THE SHORT STORIES.

I was horrifically abused for decades. My healing journey began in my early 20’s, trying to figure out how in the world I could possibly be free of the pain that lived in every cell of my being. Now, many years later, I have learned that it’s not only possible to remember the worst of my past without being crippled by an insurmountable amount of fear, worthlessness, or powerlessness….I learned there is a special key to unlocking the prison that those short stories created. What’s the key?

FORGIVENESS.

I know “forgiveness is the key” may sound a bit cliche. Honestly, I’m kind of tired of hearing the word in the mainstream self-improvement, transformation, shift your mindset type of culture. It is a buzzword after all. It’s a concept most believe is the way to go, but what does it even mean? And how in the world do you reach that place of forgiving the unforgivable?

I wish I could tell you there was a straight path to forgiveness, but there is no such thing. What I can tell you though, with no uncertain terms, is that it’s possible to forgive anything. Yes…ANYTHING.

Think of the worst that could ever happen and multiply that times a million and I will tell you it’s absolutely within your ability to forgive it. I have faced the very worst, most evil driven human beings in existence who set out to destroy every ounce of sovereignty within me and make me their slave - and I have forgiven them. I have forgiven their choices, I have forgiven how hard they made the rest of my life, I have forgiven myself, I have forgiven those that didn’t protect me from them - And I always will. No matter what gets triggered in me today that reminds me of my past, I choose forgiveness. It may take me a while to get there, but I know the path, I know what is required, and most of all, I know the incredibly powerful feeling that comes with complete forgiveness - the pain is gone and nowhere to be found.

There are no words for the feeling of being able to breathe in a way that you didn’t know was even possible after releasing the pain and fear.

The confidence that follows forgiveness allows you to take a risk to open your heart and connect more deeply if you want.

There is an inner strength and courage you now have access to when you need to set a boundary or voice your needs at the risk of upsetting someone.

Most of all, there is a self-love that becomes so strong that all of a sudden, you are saying yes to what expands you and you are saying no to what contracts you because your well-being is your utmost priority.

Forgiveness offers you freedom to be, to create, to live a life that allows your inner light to shine bright and touch others.

Let me ask you a question:

How do you think your life would be different if all your fears were the size of a peanut?

Imagine feeling balanced, nourished, and really loving how you get to live every day for the most part. How do you think you would respond to stress from that state of having your needs met?